Weed topicals aren’t legal yet, but that doesn’t mean grey market brands aren’t still dominating the infused-product game. Some companies are now even stronger than ever as a result of the buzz around the plant’s therapeutic benefits.
I will be the first to admit that I slather THC- and CBD-rich goodness all over my body every single day. I’ve even gotten to the frankly obnoxious point where I have stopped using weedless products all together. Valentine’s Day, however, brought to mind a few extra goodies I think deserve the limelight. Whether you’re treating your special someone to a relaxing rubdown, polishing up for a hot date, or the solo artist in the glorious act of self-love, these products will leave you high, but certainly not dry.
Miss Envy Botanicals
To accurately illustrate my love of Miss Envy Botanicals, I would need a billboard, megaphone, an abundance of fireworks, and at least one of those wacky-waving-inflatable-flailing-arm-tube-guys. But, considering the stringent restrictions on promotions and advertising (cheers, Health Canada), I’ll contain myself.
Every Miss Envy product I’ve tried, or branded event I’ve attended, is spot on. They capture sensuality and femininity in a progressive way—without being crude—making it a comfortable entry point for anyone looking to foray into cannabis-infused sexperimentation.
I’ll admit, I have a soft spot for brands that promote a sex-positive dialogue and encourage safe exploration of one’s body (and that of their partner). Miss Envy specifically sponsors women’s events to help educate consumers on how cannabis can play a role in understanding sexuality, including accessing the elusive female orgasm. On top of all of that, their products are phenomenal—consistent, chalked full of cannabinoids, and safe for sensitive plumbing (I’m referring to ‘pipes’ of biological nature, not your toilet’s u-bend).
Miss Envy’s Sutra line, for example, is tailored to enhancing bedroom play. Alongside a line of phallic glass toys, their personal lubricant ($60) and massage oil ($45) are both organic and infused with 420 milligrams of solvent-free THC-distillate. The lubricant is blended in a coconut oil with ylang ylang and French lavender essential oils—both of which are known to promote relaxation, lower blood-pressure, and stimulate foreplay.
Fair warning, if you perform oral sex on Miss-Envy-lubed lady bits (or man bits, if you prefer), there is a chance you’ll feel the effects of THC—most likely in a slight numbing or tingling of the mouth or, potentially, a temporary high. Don’t panic. It will subside. For a non-experienced consumer, however, it can be slightly worrisome when not forewarned. (File this under awkward questions I’ve had to field mid-sex.)
Luna Vida Botanica (Cannalife Botanicals)
Before launching as Luna Vida Botanicals, this company was known as CannaLife Botanicals—which, in my opinion, is one of the best Canadian cannabis brands producing topicals for medical and therapeutic purposes. Due to new regulations limiting legal products to flower and low-concentration oils, CannaLife is no longer selling products. I used to live-and-die by their pleasure oil (pictured above) infused with cinnamon and 250 milligrams of THC, which got the blood flowing to all the right places ahead of the dirty deed.
Luckily for fans of the original brand, founder Cara Long pivoted to make a less weedy product line featuring the anti-inflammatory essential oil copaiba to keep a foothold in the market until the laws relax. (Someone should send the Liberals a soothing care kit.) Luna Vida now creates healing bath soaks, lip balms, and moisturizers, which truly saved my skin from morphing into dragon scales this winter. The product line also uses hemp-derrived CBD—which remains in the grey area of regulations—so it still classifies as a cannabis product in my one-track mind.
Luna Vida’s hollistic massage oil ($28) is made with peppermint and eucalyptus, and their body oil ($48) with myrrh, frankincense, sandalwood. The company also harvests and blends the herbs and oils according to the lunar calendar, relying on traditional teachings of plant alchemy. While I don’t personally practice these rituals, their products do have highly restorative and relaxing properties that instill a sense of aura-cleansed allignment.
For someone who doesn’t like floral or sickly-sweet scent combinations (like most men), these products will leave you smelling more like a yoga studio and less like a Victoria’s Secret check-out line.
Delush Bath and Body
This company might as well be called “delish”.
These two Vancouver lady entrepreneurs know how to create CBD-infused bath and body products perfectly tailored to the girliest of consumers. Their products are a great alternative for anyone turned off of cannabis for fear of THC’s well-plugged ‘intoxicating effects’.
If the colour pink had a smell, the Delush Bath and Body whipped soap scrub ($40) captures it flawlessly. The gentle sugar granules are perfect for buffing bum cheeks, polishing dry skin, and stopping unsightly ingrown hairs. After the scrub does its job, it turns into a luscious lather, leaving your whole body smelling like a Maynard’s sour watermelon chewy candy. This product is single-handedly responsible for the recent spike in my water usage. (I’m sorry, Mother Earth.)
The Magic Stick ($36)—inspired by the OG healer, Tiger Balm—is the Delush’s real claim to fame. The restorative balm can be seen glossing the feeds of a number of cannabis industry influencers, including Natalia Chiles (@HiiighVibes), Tamu and Zia Stolbie (@StolbieSisters), and Nikki Jackson (@savvystonedgirl). Now, I’m a skeptic of the highest caliber, so anything slinging the word “magic” almost always elicits a we’ll-see-about-that eyebrow raise. I don’t suffer from conditions like arthritis or fibromyalgia, so I can’t speak to the strength of the product for managing more severe afflictions, but I can say it knocked the hell out of a pesky ‘reading knot’ in my neck. I’m also a chronic sloucher (much to my mother’s chagrin), so my lower back is always making me pay for my hunch-backed sins. This product never fails to reduce aches and pains, including sex-related cramps and pulls. It also comes in a mess-free applicator making it the perfect clutch-sized plus-one on a hot date.
Each topical was made and provided (either in event swag bags or free of charge) by some of my favourite local brands budding within Vancouver’s craft cannabis community. I don’t endorse anything I haven’t tried and truly fallen in love with.
